


way to go, go away

by fightingcold



Series: stuff is way [1]
Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Gen, POV Second Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-07
Updated: 2020-06-07
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:08:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,380
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24582070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fightingcold/pseuds/fightingcold
Summary: Gordon has escaped Black Mesa. He thought the madness was over, that he'd deal with his trauma alone and that would be that. As it turns out, the Science Team are not prone to let sleeping dogs lie.
Series: stuff is way [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776811
Comments: 6
Kudos: 83





	way to go, go away

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This is the first story I've ever posted, so if you have any advice for me, please don't hesitate to say it! Sorry if the characters are off, I'm doing my best. Might end up editing after completion for the sake of clarity and comprehension, also in case I've forgotten anything. Hope you enjoy! :)

You could feel it coming as everyone was standing outside the Chuck E Cheese, exchanging information.

It had been coming since the day of the Cascade, really, but survival instincts and the badgering of the others kept you moving through it. Now, however, there's very little but your pride keeping you from collapsing into a crying heap right there in the parking lot. You wonder if you can sneak away while everyone else is occupied. You're desperately exhausted, in dire need of a long hot shower, and frankly, you're still reeling from the loss of your hand. Tommy's dad had been nice enough to heal it over when he took your ' _government_ _property',_ but you hadn't forgotten the pain, and you were still woozy from blood loss. You're hungry too, and anyone else would have gorged themselves on pizza after what you four had been through. That's what your group did. But somehow, you found you didn't have much of an appetite, not for pizza at least. Maybe your body decided it was tired of all the unhealthy food and drink you had been shoveling into it to try and stay alive, and now it was rebelling in force.

At least Tommy had fun.

You've nearly managed to sidle your way out of the parking lot altogether when-

"Mr. Freeman!"

...Damn it.

"Hey Tommy!" You manage to say without revealing too much of your exhaustion and exasperation. It has been a _long_ week, as Tommy's dad told you, and you just want to go home, but Tommy is your best friend, maybe your _only_ friend, so you try to sound less tired than you feel. "What's up, bud?"

He looks at you then, and you aren't sure what he sees on your face, but the concerned look on his face says you didn't hide your exhaustion well enough.

"Are you alright, Mr. Freeman?"

"Yeah, just a little tired," You reply, "looking forward to sleeping on something other than the floor." _And not getting punched and pushed down ladders as a wake-up call_ , you think to yourself.

"Oh, OK!" Tommy says, huffing a sigh of relief. You don't know what he was worried about, but you're glad you could help him out. You would really like to get going, though. The anxiety bubbling up has only gotten worse now that you're out of Black Mesa, and if you don't keep moving you really are just going to break down in the Chuck E Cheese parking lot, and Bubby will mock you for being a little bitch baby and Dr. Coomer will stand there and say something unhelpful and Tommy won't know what to do and you'll ruin his _birthday_ -

The hug surprises you. Not that he did it, he's hugged everyone at least a dozen times by now. But... something in it is different. It's... longer, more affectionate, even. Certainly it's the longest and most affectionately anyone's touched you in... a very long time. You didn't really notice how _tall_ he is before now. Or maybe you're just short. 5'8 isn't exactly breaking any world records for tallest man. It's... nice. Nice enough that for a long moment, you half-seriously consider letting go, and just bawling your eyes out on his shoulder. Maybe he _would_ know what to do... but, no. That is way too much of a risk for _maybe_. "Thanks for coming," Tommy says.

 _I didn't have much of a choice_ , you think. You _say_ "Glad I could be here." Both are true.

* * *

You remove the hazmat suit as soon as you lock the door behind you. You practically rip the thing off, you're so frantic. You take an hour long shower, and take stock of all your new scars, most on your arms and legs. You brush your hair and your teeth, and that is all you can manage before you throw yourself into bed. You wanted to make something, to eat something other than junk for the first time in a week, but you just don't have the energy.

You apparently have the energy to cry, though. You felt your stump brush against the blankets and with nothing to occupy you you started thinking about how _you lost a hand and it's all because of_ \- and then you're shaking and sobbing and pulling your hair to try and ground yourself.

It takes a long while for you to fall asleep.

* * *

You end up sleeping on and off for an entire week, as it happens. You hadn't intended it to go that way, but by the time you woke up the next day, you'd been asleep for 12 hours, and you were still tired. But your stomach felt like it was trying to eat itself, so you forced yourself out of bed long enough to make yourself something, eat it, and go right back to sleep. Or crying. Over your hand, over the betrayal itself, over Benrey's death, despite yourself. You never feel better when you stop, but at least you're too tired afterwards to stay awake. That ends up being your routine, with the exception of some Black Mesa suits offering exorbitant amounts of money in exchange for your silence. You take the deal, of course. Who would you tell, anyway? And with the amount they're offering you could spend the rest of your life doing... whatever you want, really.

You manage to get out and do some grocery shopping once, at least. You almost walk right into Bubby, but thankfully he's too engrossed talking to someone on his phone to notice you. It isn't a small city you live in, and it disturbs you to think of how close you might be living to him that you both go to the same grocery store.

As it turns out, Bubby DID notice you, and that is why that afternoon you have three grown men breaking into your apartment. "Why haven't you been answering our calls?!" Bubby demands.

"We were so worried!" Tommy cries, hugging you tightly.

"Hello Gordon!" Dr. Coomer says, picking you both up in his arms.

"Sorry guys," You say sheepishly, "I must not have been paying attention to my phone."

"A likely story." Bubby says with his usual acerbic tone, but something in the way he won't take his eyes off you for more than a few seconds tells you how he really feels.

As it turns out, they don't seem keen on leaving so soon, so you offer to go grab some snacks and drinks for them.

"Don't worry Mr. Freeman, We've got you covered!" Tommy says as he reveals a cooler that truly could not have come from anything but thin air, filled with ice and all kinds of drinks.

"How dumb do you think we are?" Bubby scoffs as he pulls his own previously non-existent pack to reveal a smorgasbord of snacks, all carefully organized.

"Hurry up, Gordon! we can't start the movies without you!" Calls Dr. Coomer. When you come into the living room you see that Dr. Coomer has already placed several thick, colorful, comfy looking blankets on the floor in front of the T.V for you all to lounge on. You can't help but smile as you come over to sit down beside him. You can't remember the last time you did something just for fun.

As everyone settles in to bicker about what movies to watch, you can't help but feel like maybe things will turn out OK.

* * *

Things settle into a pattern after that. With the money Black Mesa is giving you to keep your mouths shut about what happened, none of you will ever have to work again. With all the sudden free time, you have to find ways to amuse yourselves. Meeting up with the three of them for meals, or doing the things you didn't have the time or energy for when you were working. Going to museums and galleries and amusement parks, you almost feel like a kid again. You all end up moving into a new house together, with five bedrooms in case you have company, and a large underground basement for experiments. Whenever you have trouble sleeping, Dr. Coomer is there with hot chocolate, or Tommy with offers to stay with you for the night.

And then Benrey arrives.


End file.
